Lets talk about sustaining a relationship. Last time before i got together with dear tan wanyi back then, i barely knew her for 3 weeks. Or was it 3 months. Though alot of people pushed for me to get together with her, i wasn’t sure because i felt that 3 months was too short to know somebody and i wasn’t sure i know enough about her to keep me liking her, but my gut feeling told me to just do it. and guess what happened. We ended sourly after 3 months. Make it 2 months. And mostly, its down to my fault because i don’t know what i was doing and i was kinda desperate to get outta it. stupid selfish me. I guess i was crazy about the girl that im sure most of my friends would know about. I hurt her. I hurt her so bad, she never forgot about it. not even after we got back together, i wouldn’t say we got back together. I’ll say, after we get together again at the end of 2008, because i was a different person then.

She doesn’t believe that its possible for someone to change in such a short while, and yet change so much, so she still has doubts about my love for her. And sometimes, we have this trust issue that she can’t trust me or rely on me too much lest i leave her again. Guess she forgot that when we got together again, i told her, if ever we breakup again, it’d be because you don’t want me anymore.

And then again, something bad happened again that put our relationship on the line. It’s the incident that i wouldn’t want to talk about. But it kinda got me scared so bad, i was shaken. After that, i find it hard to trust her being with other guys or mingling freely. Selfish? Maybe. And it became a problem when she entered tp. But it was settled easily. The issue is, what if it happens again?

I don’t know what i’ll do without her. And neither do i want to lose her. But if i ever have to, i need all my friends to be behind me. And i won’t blame it on anybody, but fate. But till that day comes, which i hope it doesn’t, i’ll try to be the best boyfriend that i can be. J

Mm, okay, in general. How does other boyfriends treat their girlfriends? I wonder. Because i feel that the way i treat my girlfriend is different. I seem to be the one that is more feminine in this relationship and as a result, sometimes i do get bullied. Haha. I raised the issue of she being more sensitive to my feelings sometimes, but i guess she got no comments. Not that i care about it, but i do get hurt sometimes, i mean my pride, for that split minute. Guess this is an issue that i need to address, but then again, it might just be who she is, i can’t change it.

People out there, despite how sour your relationship with your girlfriend/boyfriend is, one thing’s for sure, you love your partner, that’s why you’re willing to bear the shit that gets thrown at you and sometimes you lose your cool, but at the end of the day, you still can’t bear to be without your partner, and you two make up. If there’s one thing that i’ve learnt from this ongoing 1 year 6 months plus relationship would be that, don’t do something that you will regret in future. If you feel that you deserve what you want, then make people see it your way. Because if you don’t fight for it, you will regret later on. Sometimes the fight is tough, but you gotta do it. its between your perception of whether what you’re going to lose is worth what you’re fighting for. And never give up.

Its been a long post. 30 minutes of bus ride and this is what i came up with. Splendid. Most incredibly so. Haha. Let me end of this post with song of the week in my playlist. 

 

Okay people. I’m back. And I’m sorry I took a month plus long vacation. Been thinking about stuff, thinking maybe I don’t need this blog anymore because everything’s been going so well. But something old resurfaced and new pent up anger needed to be released. Thinking about it already makes me feel like that fucker should be taught a lesson. But nevermind, you’re all mine now, at least I think you are. J

 Anyway, here’s the case for today, ‘what does it mean to be insecure’. Does reassurances by words actually cure your insecurities? Ill give you the answer. It’s a straight no. people suffer from insecurities everyday, and for me, I face the insecurity of having to lose my girlfriend every moment I’m not with her. And its not helped by the fact that she also feels insecure and keeps saying that we’ll have to breakup sooner or later. What dominates her mind is the future, that we won’t be together. I told her that we both can’t live without each other as much, so what’s the worry? I’ve been doing my best to keep this relationship going and so far, so good. And I’m not about to stop.

Dear readers, please tell me your experiences feeling insecure, be it being scared of losing a loved one, be scared of being found out that you like that person(yes im talking about you, lim yizhen). Haha. Or be it being scared of losing yourself, because I personally feel that identity is important and I’m not about to lose myself, no matter what. I know who I am, I act who I am, and I won’t conform.

And valentine’s day is coming up! GIVE ME YOUR IDEAS AS TO WHAT I CAN GIVE FOR VALENTINE’S DAY AND WHERE WE CAN GO FOR A NICE DINNER!

I was thinking that I will draw a sketch of something to show how much I love my dear girlfriend. But I still don’t know what to buy for her. For places to eat, I’ve got a few places in mind, maybe Carnivores. They’re good. And if she would like, I don’t mind splashing abit of cash. It’s valentines day. Show your loved ones how much they mean to you, and make sure it gets stucked in their heads for the next one year, so you won’t have too much trouble having to reassure your loved ones throughout the year.

And for your info darling, I forgive you wholly, and I’ll try my best to forget it. I love you, stick with me.